It’s unbelievable but I’ve been a mum for 8 years, and I’ve never really asked myself if I have been a good mother. Every mum knows that the early years of parenting are usually busy, overwhelming and tough. Because of that, my focus has always been how to keep myself sane in the midst of the craziness, or simply how to meet all their practical needs – Make sure they sleep early, eat and bathe on time, etc. Now that the kids are slightly older and more independent, I find myself in a retrospective mood very often. I reflected on the things I’ve done or not done, words I’ve said or should have said, and I found myself concluding that I am a mum who has fallen short in so many ways. That’s not saying that my kids hate me or resent me – In fact, my kids must be the biggest hearted human beings on planet earth, who in spite of all my massive weaknesses, still think that I am wonderful. I am just glad that the realization did not come too late for me to change and become better.
It all began when Joey started saying things like, ‘Mummy, can we have some J & K (Joey & Klessis) time, please?’ I remember thinking to myself, ‘Oh man, this kid sounds deprived and desperate.’ And there was obviously something very wrong with that. Why does my kid feel like she needed to ask to spend time with me? It must be because I haven’t been doing that enough (or at all). It was like a wake-up call for me - I am a mum, but I was not doing all the important things that a mum should do. I am always at home, but that does not mean that I am always there for my kids. There is a difference.
Frankly, it scared me a little. What if my kids grow up to be dysfunctional, deprived of love and go looking for love in all the wrong places? I thank God that He planted this thought in my head and planned all the changes in my life that propelled me to make some positive changes in my lifestyle. Specific action plans are important when it comes to implementing changes in life, so I wrote down a list of things that I would do to become a better mum. Declaring them on the blog hopefully gives me the motivation to stick to them.
1. No More Working From Home.
This must be the most significant change I’ve made in my life. The change was possible because I recently went through a change in my job scope. Previously, I was required to work even outside office hours so that meant that I could be working hard on my laptop even when I am home with the kids. Obviously, that sent all the wrong signals to my kids, and I am sure they often felt that I placed my work as priority over them. With my new job scope, I am off work literally when I leave the office. On weekdays, I would consciously leave my laptop in the office so that I could not use it at home, and I could spend all my time at home with my kids. In a way, I am forced to do nothing except hang around with my kids. Instead of ‘Sorry babe, Mummy is busy now. You go play on your own please.’, I can now say, ‘Come babe, let’s do something together.’ That, to the kids, means a GREAT DEAL.
2. Be A Mum Who Says Yes.
Having said that, wisdom must be exercised because the kids make the darnest requests all the time. Previously, I would be quick to refuse all their requests to read, play and talk when I was feeling tired, especially at the end of a busy day at work. Nowadays, I remind myself that the kids are growing up so fast that I need to cherish the times when they still need me to do something for them. This period of their lives, once gone, will never come back again. So the next time they ask to have a book read to them, I would say Yes in a beat.
3. Positive Confessions Daily.
There is power in confession and this is something I’ve set my mind to do on a daily basis for my kids. There is a list of statements I’ve noted down for Joey and Jayne individually and I would confess them every single day over their lives. I am believing for positive changes in their lives, and for all the good things to happen just as I confessed. Instead of lamenting that they are always so noisy and rowdy, I confess for a gentle spirit in them. Surely, that’s way more effective than just complaining with no action!
Perhaps after three months, I can blog a new post on how I’ve been holding up so far. I’m making progress slowly but surely, and I am optimistic that great things are going to happen because of all the positive energy I am creating everyday in my endeavor to become a better mum. All the way!!!
