感恩

Auntie Liying said something to me today that touched my heart.

"你要感恩啊."

She was pointing to my daughter and telling me to give thanks to God for this daughter of mine. She said she is a very obedient girl. She doesn't cry much, and doesn't hamper for attention. As long as you let her crawl around freely, she will keep laughing & enjoying herself. This is very rare.

Many people have told me before that Joey is a very obedient girl who is willing to sit still in her stroller for hours without whining. Many babies refuse to sit inside even for one minute. For that, I have always been very thankful to God for such a baby. Joey may be a very hyperactive girl who keeps fidgeting and moving around to look at things around her, when it comes to sitting in the stroller, she is really the best baby I can ever ask for. God knows I have no choice but to put her in the stroller everyday and push her to work, so He makes sure that my baby likes sitting in the stroller and doesn't give me problems at all.

I didn't used to appreciate that 'virtue' of hers until friends started commenting that she is such a good baby for being willing to sit inside. I think I've heard like over 20 friends who commented that now. Haha.. so it must be really true!

You may not believe it, but it was only recently that I started to appreciate & love my daughter more. From the moment she was born till recently, I always think my daughter is a very cute girl and lovable. But on the other hand, thoughts like "I wish I still had my freedom before I had baby", "I wish I have more flexibility & time to do my work.", "I wish I could sleep late or sleep anything I want!" frequently flood my mind. Especially when she gets difficult, I wonder why did I have a baby so early. Serious, I am not joking. I don't know if you know what I mean. It's not that I regret having a baby, or that I do not love her, but it's just two sides of the emotions constantly in battle with each other in my mind.

When people ask me when I am having a 2nd kid, I would look disgusted and said, 'Not so soon!' and really mean it. I cannot imagine having to deal with another one!

But something just broke in me one fine day. Nothing dramatic or wayang. And I also don't know how to say it. But it was just all of a sudden I felt a 'click' in my ears and suddenly my heart felt so light and free. A smile came to my face and immediately I see the face of my beautiful baby in my heart. All of a sudden, I felt so much love for her and feel so thankful that I have such an adorable angel in my life. I went back home & told Isaiah that day I want to have 3 kids!!!

After I had the experience, I felt so angry with myself for having all those negative thoughts about baby. I don't think I am horrible or what, because in times of frustrations, all negative emotions come out, but I am just happy & grateful to God for healing those negatives.

I want to have more babies! They are so super cute! And they bring so much joy into my life! :)