The Joey & Jayne Philosophy To Life

One of life’s greatest lessons is NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR KIDS. They are completely capable of making you choke with the things they say.

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Filial Piety

Jayne: “Mummy, I am going to buy you lots of things when I grow up.”
Mummy: *eyes sparkling & thinking about Prada* “Wow, baby that’s so nice of you! What are you going to buy for Mummy??”
Jayne: “I will buy you porridge with fried dough sticks. You like to eat them right?”
Mummy: “……..Errr yeah, thanks babe.”

Kissing Rights

Mummy: “I love you so much, baby….” *attempts to give Jayne a smooch*
Jayne: *pushes Mummy’s face away with her hand* “Mummy, you cannot kiss me. Only my boyfriend can kiss me on my mouth.”
Mummy: ????? *makes mental note NOT to let the kids watch iCarly anymore*

A Failed Threat

Mummy: Joey, if you don’t sleep now, I’m not going to bring you to the playground later. You can stay at home alone while I bring Jayne there.
Joey: You won’t do that de la. You are a mummy, how can a mummy leave her daughter alone at home?
Mummy: ^&%$#$@$

Birthdays

(Overheard)
Joey to Jayne: My birthday is in April, how about yours?
Jayne: Banana
Joey: Huh what banana? I’m asking you which month is your birthday!
Jayne: Ya, yours is apple, mine is banana.
Joey: Aiyo April la, April!! Not Apple! *-*

Upgrading

Joey: Mummy, why don’t we shift to a condominium? It looks nice.
Mummy: Are you going to give me the money to do so?
Joey: Yeah of course. I have money at home.
Mummy: Oh you do?
Joey: A lot of money. I can give you $5.
Mummy: Errr thanks….

Self-Image

Mummy: Baby, do you know that I love you sooooo much??
Jayne: But I am not a baby anymore hor. I am a little girl now.
Mummy: ……………..

Life is never dull with them around. =)

Witty? I Hope So..

My Joey sometimes does things that takes us all by surprise. I don’t know how her little brain works, or how it can generate funny ideas all the time, but it just does. I am constantly amazed by the things she does and says on a daily basis. She’s on witty kid, I dare say.

I’m being very random here because the funny things happened too fast and too frequently that I cannot keep up with the recording. These are just what I can recall off-hand.

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Instance 1:

We were travelling in the car and Joey, in her usual self, has been talking and talking non-stop for 30 minutes. We badly needed some peace and quiet, so Papa Isaiah told her sternly, “Joey, I need you to keep quiet and not talk at all from now on.”

Joey was silent for about 1 minute before she couldn’t control herself and asked me in a whisper, “Mummy, can I talk please? Please, Mummy? I need to talk. Otherwise…. otherwise…. Otherwise I can’t breathe!”

It took all of my energy to stop myself from bursting into laughter there and then.

Instance 2:

Joey was playing a game on her grandmother’s iphone before bedtime and she was told by her grandma that she has to sleep after playing one last game. She was playing halfway when she suddenly said to her grandma, “Nai Nai, you got to try this game for yourself! It’s fun!” The grandma took over her iphone and tried playing the game that Joey was playing, and obviously, it was game over almost immediately since she doesn’t know how to play. Joey quickly said, “Oh, you caused me to lose the game. I’d have to play another game cos I was not the one who lost that game.”

Obviously, the grandma got cheated to take over a game that was almost ending…

Instance 3:

We were in a shopping mall taking an escalator to the carpark level. I was a few steps infront and standing between Joey and me on the escalator was a tall model-lookalike lady. Joey was standing on the escalator with her grandmother and she turned to her and commented, “This auntie infront is so tall. SIGH…. Mummy is really very short hor?”

I nearly flipped when I heard it.

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Joey’s vocabulary has also been steadily improving, though they are mostly ‘meaningless’ vocabulary. I’m pretty sure she picked up those words from her schoolmates at pre-school. Those words are mostly exclaimation words such as, ‘Shucks!’, ‘Oh gosh..’ and ‘Oh man…’ Yes, I know. I shake my head too when I hear her say such things. Arrgggghhh…

Psalms 23… In Chinese!

I’m not kidding you. My girl can recite the bible Psalms 23 in Chinese! I bet many of you can’t do that! Haha…

Impressed? =P

Just for your reference, cos some parts she was just rushing through!

詩篇 23

耶 和 華 是 我 的 牧 者 ． 我 必 不 至 缺 乏 。

他 使 我 躺 臥 在 青 草 地 上 、 領 我 在 可 安 歇

的 水 邊 。

他 使 我 的 靈 魂 甦 醒 、 為 自 己 的 名 引 導 我

走 義 路 。

我 雖 然 行 過 死 蔭 的 幽 谷 、 也 不 怕 遭 害 ．

因 為 你 與 我 同 在 ． 你 的 杖 、 你 的 竿 、 都

安 慰 我 。

在 我 敵 人 面 前 、 你 為 我 擺 設 筵 席 ． 你 用

油 膏 了 我 的 頭 、 使 我 的 福 杯 滿 溢 。

我 一 生 一 世 必 有 恩 惠 慈 愛 隨 著 我 ． 我 且

要 住 在 耶 和 華 的 殿 中 、 直 到 永 遠 。

urghhhhhh KIDS!!!

Today in the car on our way home. Papa Isaiah just fetched Joey from school & me from workplace. It was a monologue - Joey was talking to herself.

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Joey: Papa, where are we going for dinner? Papa, we eat outside okay? The food outside is nice. The food at home is not nice. We eat the food outside, okay?

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Sure, it sounds innocent enough. But have you wondered who has been faithfully cooking dinner for her almost every night in the the past couple of months?

ME!!!!! :(

OK, granted the food we eat outside is full of strong flavors, and those I cook at home are devoid of any seasonings or artificial flavorings, so it’s understandable that she would prefer outside food, BUT…

Who can I blame? I was the one who produced her to torture me!Argghhhhhhh…

The 1st Question Has Come

I should have seen it coming. But, I really didn’t think it would be this soon. My Joey is still a baby, isn’t she? She still goes gaga over Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cartoons on Disney Channel, hums Barney songs and wears pretty much what I pick out for her to wear, doesn’t she?

It’s my fault. I ought to be more prepared for this. I had naively thought that I would handle everything with professionalism and great wisdom. After all, I supposedly should have gazillion tons more wit than my little baby girl, isn’t it? Is it?

The fateful day was Thursday, July 23, 2009. Yesterday.

Joey was in my bedroom when she saw me open up a SANITARY PAD (sorry boys, you might experience some discomfort reading this particular entry). As per her usual personality, she immediately asked, ‘Mummy, what’s that?’

I was stumped for a total of 3 seconds.

Of course, I would love to tell her that it’s a sanitary pad, and women need to use it because they go through menstruation every month which is basically the shedding of the uterine lining or endometrium, and it occurs on a regular basis in reproductive-age females of certain mammal species.

But of course, that was not what I said.

Amidst my stammering errr-s.. and ahhh-s, I managed to utter something which I thought was at her level of understanding. Ahem. ‘It’s for collecting something. Mummy needs to put it on the panty.’

Silence. She didn’t look one bit convinced. Silence.

“Collect what?”

My heart sank. Come on, I can’t possibly tell her it’s for collecting BLOOD right? That will scare the wits out of her and possibly smear her innocent childhood! She might never want to grow up!

“Errr… something dirty la…” (desperately thinking of something else to say to divert her attention away)

More silence.

Then all of a sudden, her eyes lit up with elated understanding of Mummy’s parables and she blurted, “Oh I know, it’s a DIAPER! Right?” then proceeded to stare at me with the most beautiful innocent round eyes in this whole world.

I just said yes as softly as possible (totally un-intelligent, I admit) and quickly changed our topic to what she ate in school for lunch yesterday.

See. I totally ruined it.

Oh my gosh, my girl is slowly morphing into a young lady day by day and soon enough, she’ll be ushered into the world of stomach cramps & PMS! *breaks out in nervous laugh*

I am so not looking forward to the day when she will ask me where she came from and how did daddy & mummy make Baby Jayne go into mummy’s tummy.

It’s Always Someone Else’s Fault

We don’t even have to teach our kids that, but they already know how to ‘shift’ blame whenever they can.

Or maybe we did teach them that sub-consciously?

We have noticed that ever since Joey learnt the art of arguing & logical debating, she has already learnt that NOTHING that ever went wrong was her fault. It was always SOMEONE ELSE’s fault. Of course, she still boldly admits when she spills a bowl of cereals, mess up the whole living room with her toys or wets the whole floor with water. But when it comes to things that allows her to exhibit her drama queen traits & turn into a pity pie, she will non-hesitantly do it.

Just yesterday she was at home with my MIL and she was climbing up & down the sofa like a monkey again and she (for the first time) fell from the sofa onto the floor! Know what are her first words in the midst of all the crying???

“Nai Nai, why you never come & catch me and just let me fall?????!!!” (faintz)

Joey’s feet has been growing pretty fast, so she outgrows her shoes at amazing rates (very sad for our pockets). So when she gets feet pain after wearing a certain pair of shoes for too long, we will naturally ask her, ‘Is it because the shoes are too small and tight?’ She would then answer,

‘Yes, too small. Because Papa, Mama never buy new shoes for me lor!’ (*%$#^&*@)

Then you might have read from my hubby’s blog that he called home yesterday morning to chit chat with Joey and Joey told him that I cut her toenails too deep the night before and it was very painful for her. She told me the same thing when she called me minutes later, and I actually felt guilty for being careless. When I reached home at night, I realised that Joey has an in-grown toenail, which is causing her big toe to swell! It was so painful for her that she didn’t sleep well the previous night. And she kept harping that it was BECAUSE I cut her nails too deep. Sigh!

Yes Lord, I did pray for a smart kid, but she is WAY TOO SMART FOR ME sometimes. =P

This Girl!!!!!!

Joey is at home today with my mum-in-law because she’s nursing an ulcer. She just called me about 5 minutes ago and here is our phone conversation:

Joey: Mummy, did you take the Ribeni sweets away? Can you bring home tonight? I want to eat.

Mummy Kless: It’s not Ribeni, it’s Ribena, darling..

Joey: Why did you take the Ribeni sweets away? I am angry le!

Mummy Kless: It’s Ribena, darling.. anyway, Mummy and Papa finished the Ribena sweets already.

Joey (to my mum-in-law): Papa finished the Ribeni sweets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mummy Kless: I’ll buy you a new packet tonight ok? Mummy will buy tonight for you…

Joey: I WANT RIBENI SWEETS! I WANT RIBENI SWEETS! RIBENI! RIBENI!!!

Mummy Kless: Okay okay… Mummy will buy tonight.. later ok??

Joey (not hearing what I said at all): RIBENI! RIBENI!!!

Mummy Kless: Ok!! How’s your ulcer, darling? Are you feeling better today?

Joey: RIBENI! RIBENI!!! (screaming by now)

Mummy Kless: I heard you! How’s your ulcer??

Joey: Okay, bye bye!!!! (puts down the phone immediately)

Mummy Kless: ……………

Little Joey’s Anecdotes

This afternoon. Pizza delivery just arrived, and we were eating the pizza and starry munchies on the sofa.

Mummy: Joey, there's one whole box of starry munchies ok. We eat one by one, don't need to rush. (She loves starry munchies)

Joey: (proceeds to pour the whole box of starry munchies onto her bowl)

Mummy: Joey!!! Why so many???

Joey: Mummy eat only one ok? Mummy stomach got baby, cannot eat so many. Joey stomach no baby, can eat alot.

Mummy: #$^%$%$#@#!

In the evening. We were watching TV when Joey brought out my wedding montage DVD and said she wanted to watch.

Joey: Mummy, I want to watch this one.

Mummy: Oh, this one is Papa and Mummy's wedding video..

Joey: Wedding? How come you never bring me along?

Mummy: Because you were not born yet. Then after that, you were inside mummy's stomach, remember?

Joey: Aiya No LAH! Inside your stomach is baby la! Joey is HERE LA! (then gave an irritated look before walking away).

Mummy: .......................

How to communicate like that?!!!

She Knows How To Get What She Wants….

No joke. This is very scary.

Yesterday we passed by a shop and as it happened many times before, Joey was attracted to the colourful bear in UrbanMale.com shop and walked right into the shop.

We went to pull her away from the bear and the shop (Come on, you don't buy EVERYTHING your kid asks for RIGHT?).

Surprisingly, Joey did not put up a struggle. Instead, she went in a very subdued voice, '为什么爸爸没有买给我的？’

Isaiah and I were already quite shocked to hear her say that. People who hear her may think we are such stingy parents who buy her nothing!!

She then went on in the same calm voice, '为什么爸爸每一次都没有买给我的？’

The SUPER PROVOKED Papa Isaiah walked right in and bought her the bear IMMEDIATELY.

Haha.. this is happy Joey posing with her colourful bear.

(I tried to use the same trick on isaiah to buy me something and it didn't work for me. Chey. =X )

Little Joey’s Anecdotes

When your kid starts talking, that's when the jokes start rolling...

Episode 1: In the car chatting about her day in the office nursery...

Mummy: Joey, so what did u do today? Did you watch barney?

Joey: No.. Auntie say 'No!'

Mummy: Then did you do drawing?

Joey: No.. Auntie say 'No!'

Mummy: Oh... so u didn't do anything? Did you go and play with the toys in the room?

Joey: No.. Auntie pump milk milk inside.

Mummy: ........ errr..... oh hahahahaha!

*suddenly understood what she meant. Some of the nursing mothers would go into the nursery room to express milk for their babies, so during the lunch time, the kids were told they can't play inside the room cos the aunties are taking turns to pump milk.

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Episode 2: Mummy was reading to Joey a storybook...

Mummy: So Snow White had to run away from the evil queen into the forest...

Joey: Oh.... run away...

Mummy: Ya, and Snow White came to this house in the forest..

Joey: Oh...

Mummy: And look inside the house.. what's there? There's a rabbit.....

Joey: Rabbit...

Mummy: Deer.....

Joey: Deer? Papa?!!!!!

Mummy: .....................

She thought I was saying, 'Dear' like how I always call Isaiah.....

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