What Was It Like?

Frankly, I can’t remember what it was like the first time round.

Did I go on leave a few days before I went to deliver Joey? Or was I working up till the day before I admitted into hospital? I really cannot recall. Maybe my hubby can refresh my memory?

Nowadays, I have been suffering from partial short term memory loss. As my due date draws near, I have been trying to recall things I’ve done when Joey was born, like how to pat baby to sleep, feed baby, bathe baby, but alas, everything comes back to me in one big messy lump of blurred memories.  I can’t seem to remember anything much! How scary is that? I only last gave birth 3 years ago! And how is it that my mother-in-law who last gave birth 30+ years ago could remember every single detail so clearly, even down to the fact that newborns generally start off with 30ml of milk at each feed?! I sure hope this is all temporary.

Like the other day, my MIL reminded me that I should not buy clothes with buttons at the front for Jayne, because it may cause discomfort when she’s sleeping. I got bewildered because I THOUGHT I REMEMBERED CLEARLY that newborns should sleep chest up, till about 3 months old then let them sleep chest down. My MIL told me with a horrified look on her face that Joey slept chest down from Day 1. Unconvinced, I went to check through Joey’s old photos and realised (rather disgusted with myself) that my MIL is right.

Baby Joey, 3 days old

Even though the child-raising part took a bigger portion of my life, it was the giving birth part that I remembered more vividly about. Perhaps because there were stronger emotions involved then. But I wished I didn’t have such a clear memory of those things, because it’s starting to make me nervous.

I remembered how I was pushed into the operating theatre, how the aesthetician put on the mask for me to breathe in the GA, how he counted 1, 2, 3… how I woke up to the voice of a missy calling, ‘Lee Phei Ching…. Lee Phei Ching….’… I remembered how I was pushed back to the ward, how Isaiah showed me Joey’s face on his handphone for the first time, how I fell asleep feeling very exhausted but blissful… how horrendously painful it was when I made my first attempt down the bed and to the toilet, how I forced myself to get onto a wheelchair just so that I can be discharged from the hospital…

It was all very vivid & clear in my mind.

The first time round was easier it seems, because I knew or expected nothing. I didn’t know how it was going to be, so I wasn’t the least nervous. Now, the second time round, I think about the first time and can’t help but shudder. The only motivation is that I KNOW that no matter how painful, it will all come to an end within a week. The pain will go away, and I will go back to life as per normal. Just like the first time round. And my hubby will be by my side all the time. This time round, with Joey too. :)

Ironically though, I got a good feeling that this time round, it’s not going to be as painful as the first time, and I will get down from bed with much greater ease. No pain in Jesus’ name!